January 24, 2008

So…I Went To Wal-Mart Yesterday

To pick up a prescription from the pharmacy for my youngest son. Now, for those of you not familiar with Wal-Mart, it is quite possibly the most intriguing place from a human standpoint that you can find. Short of a bearded lady, there isn't a better circus.

In fifteen minutes, I saw the following:

  • A man and a lady (probably in their late 40's) walk up in front of about six people and the guy sticks his arm out to ask the pharmacist if she would ring him up. What took her, and all six of us by surprise, was the fact that he was holding a twelve-pack of condoms. After being told by the pharmacist that she didn't ring people up, the couple turned around to find all of us smiling at them at which point they immediately hurried off obviously embarrassed but giggling the whole time. So here's my question: Whose idea was it to put the "family planning" and "sexual aides" next to the pharmacy.
  • After going down to the deli to get some popcorn chicken for little tyke to munch on, I'm walking up to the cash register area to get a 20 oz bottle of Coke when my face is immediately awakened to a 300 lb man's fully exposed butt crack staring me in the face like a Wal-Mart smiley. Not only did he not seem to care, he also needs to learn the value of proper hygiene. Enough said.
  • Then upon returning to the pharmacy area to retrieve the prescription that had taken wayyy too long to fill at this point, I was treated to Bubba and Charlene sitting on the bench next to me with Charlene the redneck holding a five-pack of Wal-Mart thong underwear. That was bad enough except for the fact that when her and Bubba departed the area, she left two pair of underwear behind (both thong, and both with see through lace on them). I'm assuming Bubba was a happy man.

So I was left with the dilemma..do I let the underwear she left behind sit there, or do I make an associate aware of the situation so that she can take them back to ladies wear.

I did what any self-respecting father of two would do. I had my four year old pick them up and throw them in the cart as we walked out of the pharmacy to go home.

1 comment:

Kevin P. Larson said...

You came to Mid-Mo and didn't come see me again, bro. I guess I'm not a big enough celebrity like Shaver.